I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
