I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
