first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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