I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
