His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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