fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
