I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he shaved USA in his pubs
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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