I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
