i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize