I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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