Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
