I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
