I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
