Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
