He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
