I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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