Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize