It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
did i just pee glitter
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
