Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's blow job season.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
