if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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