Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
