where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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