It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
this will be a night to untag.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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