Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
