Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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