I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize