there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you will always have a special place in my vag
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize