Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
