called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
