Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's never too late to be topless.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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