there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
