so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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