This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
