ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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