if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
