Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
