Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He has the fingertips of a God
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