If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
