my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
