yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Watching her eat just hurts me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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