garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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