I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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