So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I need moral support for this bender
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
