I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That's how pantless uber rides happen
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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