you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think my moral compass just broke
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