I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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