she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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