They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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