i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
