dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
