Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
