Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
