I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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