Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
