During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
