Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize