im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
