Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My vagina just recognized that song.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
