That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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