the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
