i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
