He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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